What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
