I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i think my cat just said my name.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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