I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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