Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My liver just had a heart attack.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
