Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
