Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize