Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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