wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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