Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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