at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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