Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
