I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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