Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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