True but thats because hes a fetus.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
