Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
