I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
