Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
