Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
