No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
