He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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