you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize