Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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