This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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