well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
