I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Enjoy the penises
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
