you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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