in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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