My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
