hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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