Kiss
Puke
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
