she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I need water and some morals
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
