Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
