I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think my mom watched the whole time
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
