i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
