no, he came in my armpit
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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