dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
