the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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