I am in a vortex of obligation.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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