Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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