honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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