Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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