Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
