awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Boobs are out for the taking
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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