I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
