Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize