Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
