A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
