the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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