I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
