Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize