I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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