my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
