He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
