whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
