Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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