Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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