I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
