I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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