I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
