when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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