I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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