I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
