I accidentally had phone sex last night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
