College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
