mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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