Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What a dumb baby whore.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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