I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
