Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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