I think my vagina is haunted
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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