you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
