they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
