omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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