I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
