I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
