we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
