Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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