I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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