Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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