she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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