Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize