I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
