I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Randomize
