That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my liver is dry heaving
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
