Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
