i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How does one acquire holy water?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
