just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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