I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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