He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
