If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
