this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
