After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
