I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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