before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize