He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
