whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
