Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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