yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
