That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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