College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
